Have you ever been in a situation that
seemed humanly impossible to surpass? That is to say, you’ve exerted all the
effort that you could haul out from your being yet all were futile?
The first two weeks of May were hectic
schedules for me. “Toxic” however, is not an appropriate word to
describe the first week. I was engaged to a lot of activities but not those
that require thinking or intellectual use. I should have not been that bushed
or exhausted but since efforts were exerted, it consequently yielded to my
being worn-out. Irony it is, but I had my day-off the third day of the month
followed by a two-day outing on May 5-6 (Central ICU staff of PGH) at Sariaya
Quezon and yet I was still enervated.
But this does not mean that I did not
enjoy in our outing (my co-staff might misinterpret me). In fact, I had all the
laughs I could produce. I enjoyed the swimming este “tampisaw sa
tubig”. Thanks to all my mentors from cenicu (Sirs: Abe, Bhong, Rodel,
Jojo, and the ever patient Sir Nico). However, despite their persistence, I
failed in our swimming lesson. (frustration ko na ata talaga to). I had a lot
of singing with my co- staff and even cherished our late-night cell-group and
playing cards with Ma’ams: eds, Jlyn, Mich, Pinas and sirs: Nico and Jerome.
Having said all those activities plus the outdoor games, and boating we had,
that only means that we had sleepless and rest-less time at quezon. But it was
all worth it. Only, I should have balanced my time having been aware of the
battle I am to fight the next week. (security blanket: I’ve brought with me
review materials that was not seriously studied during our outing)
Sage way: Just to inform you, the last
time I had a phone conversation with my HCCA immigration consultant (IC) Ma’am
Chary, I was convinced that I really need to hurry my processing of essential
papers (for US application) and as well balanced my time and prepare for the
predictor exam for nclex. The time that she gave me was reasonable enough (two
weeks) yet because of procrastination, I did not meet our target date. And so
the exam was postponed many times. Off course, I did not want to prolong the
agony but then I was so petrified (especially with the pressure that I will be
the first UP grad to fail the HCCA ist predictor exam) and thus I had no choice
but to really groom myself for it. But in my attempt to stick to my review
schedules, God was leading me to another faith-strengthening experience.
The set date for the exam was May 10. I
was informed to be at Makati at 12 noon or at least before 1 pm since the exam
will run for 3 hours.
May 6, I was home 6pm from our outing.
Since I can no longer catch up with our Sunday service at Grace or at Day By
Day, I had no choice but to stay in our dorm and just spend time with the Lord.
I already had some nap in our trip and even had my uniforms prepared (even
before our outing), and so I had no other concerns except to do my laundry (for
my swimming clothes) and as well soak myself in a review. My plans were laid
down. Just then, I knew that I lost my brown native purse with my two atm cards
on it. I was not disturbed since there is not much on it (spent most of my
pocket money in videoke) and since I knew that there will be alternative for
the lost atm cards. But still, I tried to trace it. I went to Jam terminal,
sent sms to our contact person at quezon, but all were in vain. The atm cards
were very important that time in my try to maximize my time and do the sending
of money (for my bros and lola) instead to do it on Monday. I thought that I
would be more focused with my review if I could send the money that day. But
God had other plans.
Monday and Tuesday post duty hours were
all spent with wrong priorities. I substituted doing the less important to
reviewing. Also, in most of the time, I’ve scheduled myself for an early snooze
so I could wake up early am (before duty) to review, but God allowed me to have
long hours of beauty rest.
Wednesday, may 9, a day before the
awaited “encounter”. I had in mind to be home early so I could take
some siesta, do some laundry (again?! It Seems my expertise.hehe) and
R-E-V-I-E-W. But God lead me to an eventful duty and PGH choir practice that I
even had no option but to buy cd at Robinsons and burn cds for our choir use. Moreso,
I had an added burden that is to prepare for my lecture for our continuing
education program at cenicu (which will be held the following day, same date
for my exam). I thought that doing the “finishing-touches” of my
power point presentation would not eat most of my time, but it went otherwise.
I became more OC and hooked myself on the presentation and as well burning of
cds that I had no time to concentrate on my review.
May 10. I hurriedly prepare for our
meeting. I miscalculated my time again. As soon as I was at the area, I found
out that LCD from the nursing department was not available. So I had to look
for other options. Good enough, Sir nico gave me an idea and I was able to
borrow the LCD from the pharmacy department (off course, a written letter was
made to do the borrowing formally). The meeting went a little bit long and I
barely had time to discuss my report. Before I’ve given my lecture, I even had
some problem with the LCD. But God is still gracious that He sent people to
I was not contented with my lecture. I
mean in the way I’ve delivered it. I know I could have done better. Better than
my “rehearsals” but since I was so anxious on my scheduled exam, it
turned out not the way I expected it. Some commended me but basing from my own
standard (OC Standard), it was not a success.
After the lecture, I hurriedly eaten my
lunch, called hcca to confirm my coming, grabbed some glucose power
(chocolates: bigbang and cloud nine) from the bayanihan, dropped the cds at
nursing office and proceeded to makati with my laptop and Havana flip flops. On
my way, I was thinking to have some quick browse of my reviewer but Someone
continuously reminded me to be still. Those promptings were present even days
before the exam. Yet since I was so busy trying to do the humanly-possible to
past the exam, I had no time to heed to that Whisper. The fatigued that mount
up since the ist week led to my sensitivity to the Soft Voice.
I said, “Lord I give up. I’ve been
exerting all I can to prepare for the exam yet everything failed. I know such
plan is sincere with no wrong motives behind yet You allowed me not to have it
for a purpose. This time, You want me to just entrust You everything. Make this
then another “God-moment” experience. If HCCA is Your plan for me
Dad, then allow me to past this exam. If not, then Dad just give me the faith
to just keep entrusting You everything even if they wont go the way I wanted
and planned them. Dad, may this exam be a testimony worth–sharing especially at
church and at CG later tonight”.
I was able to sleep during that short
period of travel time. The next thing I know, I was sited already in a couch at
HCCA agency waiting for Ma’am Neri to administer the exam. I again whispered a
plea to my DAD. I said “Lord, give me a verse to claim” and God gave
me James 1:5. I am very much familiar with the verse. I’ve been claiming it
since my college undergrad. But this time, some words from that verse caught my
attention. “If any of You lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives
generously WITHOUT FINDING FAULT, and it will be given to him”.
Those three words kept repeating during the exam and I was claiming it. At
first I felt unworthy to claim the wisdom from Him after all the compromises
and short-comings I had but God reminded me that He is my forgiving, merciful
The exam was tricky especially for
someone who had no preparation at all. But I calmly took the exam. No pressure.
Past or Fail, I know that it will be His plan.
Two minutes after the exam, I already
had my score. I was teary-eyed when I knew that God allowed me to past it. He
was indeed with me during the exam. I didn’t know how to respond. If only I
could do more. I prayed and offered my heartfelt thanksgiving to Him.
The next thing I know, I was already
sited infront of my IC Ma’am Chary and she congratulated me. Added compliment
was given by Ma’am Merriam. She is a nurse skills specialist who really has an
authority especially when it comes to nursing skills. I was so flattered that
she remembered me and even praised me. Such expression of approval from her was
another blessing from Him.
I shared such experience to my cousin
Karen (who was the first recipient) and as well to my CG mates at Mcdo
greenbelt1, and other Christian family and friends (who happened to be my
Really, I will never ever forget such
miracle from Him. Indeed my DAD is ever faithful and ever in control. The next
time I am faced with such struggle, I will no longer waiver but put my full
Trust on Him. To my DAD who finds no fault.