The Cost of Discipleship and Following Jesus- August 31, 2010
I have never realized this not until today; and still I am on the process of
digesting every bit of what discipleship and following Jesus require from me.
Since I was introduced to the ministry of IVCF/IVPM especially in my 2nd year
in UP Manila, it has been my prayer to be “in-the-ministry” all throughout my
life. I was and I’m still blessed seeing staff workers doing and giving all they
could to the works the Lord has entrusted them.
In 2005, I had one of the toughest decisions that is to turn down Ms. Elsie
Calalang’s invitation to be part of the IVCF staff. If not because of my
responsibility to my family I should have been enjoying doing the campus
ministry and organizing LCDC and KC camps. (sigh). Yet I believe that there is
a season for everything and I’m looking forward of that day.
The same prayer was even extended asking the Lord to give me a life partner
who has the same heart for the ministry. I was very specific then asking for
someone who is a “dugong IV”. c”,) Yet the Lord has better ways to answer my
heart’s desire. Mac then came to my life in 2007 tru the IVPM ministry. What an
encouragement to know that our God’s love story for both of us started with the
ministry. We met in 2002 in Bethany Bible College then God has to cross our
paths again tru one of the Large Group fellowship of IVPM Makati. I could not
ask God for more.
When the Lord asked me to work in Abu Dhabi, I have no other things in mind
but to ask HIM to mightily use me in UAE. I gave up my chance of being with my
father in KSA knowing that I will not have the freedom to worship in that
country. All the more I was optimistic and very excited to be in UAE when I knew
that I have a day by day family waiting here. And certainly, it inspires me that
I have them here with me. I enjoy every bit of my time with them even as we do
our works for our KING. Long hours of practices and tired voice box and calves
are nothing compared to the joy I’m feeling spending time with them. I remember
my memories with my co svcfers and ivpmers. We used to tell each other that we
Major in Ministry and Minor on our own specific fields. This is undeniably true.
I am Christian who happens to be a nurse not a nurse who happens to be a
But the sad reality of being an OFW strikes me at times. My longings for my
loved ones could not be erased especially in times when I feel so hopeless, not
able to personally reach out to them because of the vast distance between us. I
always wished I’m just near to embrace them and comfort them. All I could do is
utter prayers for them. And I am thankful for the opportunity to even pray for
Looking back, we made plans before I left for UAE. But because of some
reasons only HE knows, those plans were redirected. How painful it is to have my
dreams splinter all of a sudden. I can’t even figure out how our plans will
meet. How l-d-r will work out.=(
What is more painful is to feel “unprioritized” and neglected because of the
ministry. Yes! I must admit I’m hurting knowing that people I love choose
ministry over me. It was not easy for me to believe that I get jealous over
ministry knowing that it has been one of my priorities too.
Then I came to realize; I didn’t fully grasp the cost of discipleship and the
cost of following Jesus.
When Jesus said to a man to follow Him, the man replied “Lord first let
me go and bury my father”. Jesus said to him. “Let the dead bury their own dead,
but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God”. Another man said “I will follow You
Lord but let me go back and say goodbye to my family”. Jesus replied “No one who
puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of
God”. Luke 9:57-62.
This command is not easy to do. It takes much courage and sacrifice to be fit
for service. In most of the times, this will mean dying to yourself, giving up
your dreams and even letting go of the people who matters much in your life.
I am the person who is deserted for the love of the ministry.
I am clueless on how future will unfold. All I’ve got is a decision to make.
They say “it takes practicality in decision making”. However this is not true in
all cases. Weighing pros and cons and doing plans A and B are not enough
solution. Thus I rest in HIM. Aiming to sensitively hear His whisper and leading
as I decide on what to do next.
I don’t want to lose hope. I believe that He is in control; that He allows
every single circumstance to take place for a better purpose. I may not fully
understand at this moment yet I trust HIM who is the best orchestrator,
architect of life.
For the meantime, I will continue to aim to be in his service here in UAE.
And till then, I look forward for the next ministry He has in store me. c”,)