Unmerited Favour March 17, 2013

Unmerited Favor. 17 March 2013. Room 1205 Muroor Street Abu Dhabi. 08:49 am

Its been almost a year since my last entry. Those who follow my blog often ask me why i don’t write anymore. Its just that tho I always wanted to and tho i had a lot of ideas and insights to record, in most of the time i felt so weak to start it nor to finish what i started.

Was i busy?Yes! But at times, i had a great deal of time yet i didn’t have that POWER. Power to be productive and to continue on what He has called me to do.When i say this, I’m not only referring to my writing perse but to a lot of things I know I’m tasked to do.

I used to share to my equally OB-C and best-buddy Ica that i miss the “Che that i used to be” in my college  and young-pro days. Someone who’s time was well spent not just for personal growth but more that than used-up for His ministry. Surprisingly, tho physically i was always tired then yet spiritually (and so the other aspects of my life followed) i felt so renewed and refreshed. Matthew 6:33 was very evident then when He said “Seek me first and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”  And literally  much/many were added unto me. Blessings poured one from the other even if I was undeserving.

That’s  certainly GRACE in action! Unmerited favors that He continually spills out to us.

Just last Friday, i attended a worship service with my husband and friends. I was in awe on how this song ministered to me. This song pictured what Wonderful and Great things Jesus has done in my life. His sacrificial work on the cross just so i could  live with freedom. Tears kept on flowing from me (and still pouring) every time i hear and sing the chorus. “I see grace sealed by your sacrifice. I see love reaching for me. Precious blood washes and sanctifies. Healing flows setting me free. I see grace.” I felt embarrassed on how i lived my life lately, on how i allowed those struggles to consume me and hinder me live my life to the fullest.

Yet I thank Him more for i know I could start all over again. With certainty, He will make me over-comer of my struggles.

God gives second chances and yes He will be my help, my hope and my tower of strength.

I See Grace <—— Click this link to play the MP3 

Jesus My help
I call out Your name
I cast my cares on You
Jesus my hope
my tower of strength
my faith has found in You
I see You pierced
wounded for me
when I look to the cross I see

chorus:
I see grace
sealed by your sacrifice
I see love
reaching for me
Precious blood
washes and sanctifies
Healing flows
setting me free
I see grace

Bearer of sin
Afflicted and tried
You paid redemption’s price
Bearing my curse
You set me on high
Your death has brought me life

I see You pierced
wounded for me
when I look to the cross I see

I see grace
sealed by Your sacrifice
I see love
reaching for me
Precious blood
washes and sanctifies
Healing flows
setting me free
I see grace

*credit goes to New Creation Church Singapore for this song.

Exodus with Back Pain April 28, 2012

Chinese Cupping. 28 April 2012. Room 303 Airport Road UAE 9:26 am

April 22, 2012. I had the worst back pain that made me struggle to prepare for work. i had to do a lot of twists and turns on bed just so i can maneuver myself up. the usual instant waking-up that i do became like an exodus for me, a long journey. There was even an incident when i had to postpone the call of  nature because i could not practically get up from a lying position. Working on bedside was even horrible that even a slight bend specially wrong angles made me cringe to pain.  I tried several pain creams and ointments and even tried other unconventional treatment but to no use.

Good thing with the help of my superiors i had myself seen in ER, more blessed that i had been approved for two-day sick leave. Tho i must admit that the Ketorolac shot especially on my left deltoid was such a nuisance.

April 23, 2012. I was supposed to attend a mandatory seminar but the same problem happened. all day long i just had to stay on bed and literally had a complete bed rest. I browsed in the net for possible treatment options i could have and gladly i was led to one site. hurriedly, i booked myself for an appointment for the following day.

April 24, 2012. Since i had no choice but to finally attend the last day of the mandatory course, i had to convince myself that the pain will be gone once i start moving. i had to persuade myself that if i will patiently endure the course,  i will have my back treated.

After the course, i had a sharing-to-the-core with Ate Loida. It was indeed cheering knowing that i had one person who shares the same prayers with me; in terms of her struggle in LDR, and same hopes and wishes in our lives here in UAE.

Right after the quality time with Ate Loida, i had the best pampering gift to myself.

16:00 was my appointment. i was greeted by two fine Chinese ladies as i welcomed myself in such a milieu. the ambiance was so calming and so natural. i love the wall paintings which were mainly about nature and sceneries.

Moroccan Bath and the Milk and Flower Bath were rejuvenating. The experiences were still very vivid especially the soaking i had to a warm tub full of milk and flowers. The sound of water rushing on a stream and bird’s tweeting coupled by hot rose-petal tea were indeed superb.

But that was not the end. After those awesome moments, i was introduced to my very-first Chinese Cupping.

Chinese Cupping refers to an primeval Chinese practice in which a cup is applied to the skin so that the skin and superficial muscle layer is drawn into and held in the cup. This works by creating a local suction on the skin. Suction is formed either by heat or fire or mechanically by hands or pumps. Practitioners believes that this method promotes blood flow thus supports healing.  It is believed to have started with legendary Taoist alchemist and herbalist, Ge Hong (281–341 A.D.). Initially, he had to use animal horns to drain pustules. Because of this, cupping has been known as jiaofa, or the horn technique of therapy.

Cupping today is recommended for the treatment of pain and other diseases.

It took me 30 minutes for the whole process and i would say that it was really worth it. I felt recharged and most specially the back pain was relieved. Tho the down side was that i had several circular bruises on my back which are really expected (and was explained to me at the beginning of the treatment). These will disappear, in a couple of days or weeks. other reviews on cupping further said that if it is to be effective, erythema should be present; and the darker they are (i.e according to the Chinese lady who made the procedure for me) the worst a person’s health is. Gladly, she said i have nothing to worry about my health. the marks i had revealed that i only had long-duration back pain/tiredness.

If i were to rate the whole experience i would give it an A and will definitely recommended it to my peers, in particular nurses who frequently go through the same exodus i had with pain.

April 28, 2012. Now i’m feeling far better. Occasionally i would have back pain but that is mainly because i overslept. 

Kilig April 18, 2012

Kilig. Abril 17, 2012 Silid 303 Abu Dhabi Gitnang Silangan

“Cramming mode” dapat ako ngayon, ngunit hindi ko lang talaga mapigilang ipost ang kantang to sapagkat sa oras na ito, na ako’y antok at sobrang pagod sa natapos na trabaho ay nagkaroon ng dahilan upang ako’y mapangti at oo, mapakilig.

Isa ito sa mga naging kanta sa aming kasal. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ito ang aking naging bridal march na kinanta mismo ng composer at singer na si Arnel De Pano. Nakakatuwa lang kung pano kumilos ang Diyos sa aming kasal noon, at hindi namin lubos akalin na ang prestiyosong si Arnel mismo ang aming magiging tagakanta at sasabayan pa ng orkestra. Tunay nga na walang ibang pwedeng purihin kundi ang Diyos at ang mga taong ginamit Niya upang maging matagumpay ang aming pag-iisang dibdib.

Pero sabi nga nila, hindi sukatan ang kasal, gaano man ito kagarbo o kaspecial upang maging matatag ang isang pagsasama. Tama! Hindi kaila na lahat ng  mag-asawa ay dumaraan sa mga pagsubok at maging kami ay hindi exempted. Naranasan at nararanasan narin namin yan lalo na sa mga panahong ito na kami ay magkalayo. Sa dahilang iyon, ay lalo ko pang kinakailangang panghawakan ang mga pangakong binitiwan hindi lang sa aking mahal kundi sa Diyos na aming naging unang saksi.

Mahirap kung sa mahirap, ngunit alam kong gagawa at gagawa ang Diyos ng maraming kaparaanan upang maituwid ang ano mang mali kong pag-iisip at maling nararamdaman; iaayos at iaayos Niya ang aming pagsama. Kaya sa tuwing kami ay susubukan, magpapakatatag ako’t mananalangin. At oo, maganda sigurong ideya ang muli ay pakinggan ang kantang ito sapagkat wala na kong ibang ninais kundi Ang Pag-ibig Ko.

Ang Pag-ibig Ko_Arnel De Pano

Ang pag-ibig kong ito

Habang buhay wagas at totoo

Laan lamang sayo mahal

Ang pag-ibig ko

Ang pangako sa iyo

Sayo lamang ang puso’t buhay ko

Kaisang diwa ng buhay mo

Ang pangako ko

Kayrami nga ng tala sa langit

Ngunit laan kang tangi sa akin

Handog ka ng Maykapal sa buhay ko giliw

Habang buhay kita’y mamahalin

Ang pag-ibig kong ito

Minsan lamang hanggang sa pagyao

Maging doo’y sayo mahal

Ang pagibig ko

Kayrami nga ng tala sa langit

Ngunit laan kang tangi sa akin

Handog ka ng Maykapal sa buhay ko giliw

Habang buhay kita’y mamahalin

Ikaw ang siyang sukdulan ng pagibig ko giliw

Kaisang puso, kaisang isip,

Kaisipang dibdib, kaisang langit

Ang pag-ibig kong ito

Habang buhay wagas at totoo

Laan lamang sayo mahal

Ang pag-ibig ko

*Salamat oh Diyos sa espesyal Mong regalo, ang aking kabiyak.

Mercies in Disguise March 29, 2012

Mercies in Disguise Room 303 Airport Road Abu Dhabi 12:36

March 26, 2012. That day has been one of the “heaviest” days of my life. My heart was burdensome and it made work grueling for me. In my mind were clattered thoughts and self-questioning why i had to commit those mistakes.

In my 5th year of working as a nurse, those have been considered “failures” for me. I couldn’t contain why i had to miss some safety procedures that placed me and my patients at risk. .

I wanted to cry but i didn’t know whom to pour out my emotions. I wanted to pray but i couldn’t. I merely whispered“Lord, intervene please, Lord dispense your favor upon me.” 

I was on the verge of crying when ironically, i had to stay some more hours in our unit for backlogs.

Good thing my hubby’s “presence” (tho not physically) is always there. He had to wait for me during that wee hours in the Philippines so we could chat and he could comfort me. Talking to him on skype with shed tears, made the load tolerable. His prayer assured me once again that God will always be in control.

The following day, Nay Dian, another lifeline of mine was online. I shared her what i went through and asked for her prayers. Her messages cheered me more.

She said…..

i shared about apologizing..just be humble dear..admit you’re wrong and assure them of your motives tao ka lang..di mo naman ma perfect lahat ng bagay.you are special..you are unique..you are accepted..you are loved..mas maraming maganda sa pagkatao mo..minor lang yan..part of our sinfulness..basta move on after saying youre sorry.theres more chances pa to prove you are good. 

i prayed kanina pa and wil still do. dont let it bother you dear..it will come to pass.spice lang yan sa buhay. basta alam mo may naninniwala sayo sa pagkatao mo ..let those temporary challenges make you strong

Nanay even shared me this song; Blessings by Laura Story. What an encouragement!

Laura Story Blessings (click this for the audio) or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGniRk_GcLs (for the you-tube video)

We pray for blessings 
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise 

The Lord even re-affirmed the same message in my devotions.

March 25, 2012 Imperfect Leaders.

2 Corinthians 3: 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

• We want strength so we can help God with His work; He makes us weak so He can demonstrate His power.
• He lets us fail so they can see that apart from God we’re not much at all.
• Ultimately the only good thing about any of us is the goodness of God. Our sufficiency is from God.
• If we rely upon God’s strength and live a life that’s true. Then what we do in Jesus name, will be His work through us.
• Only as we see our weakness can we draw upon God’s strength.

March 26, 2012: Turning Trials Into Triumphs

James 1:2 My brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials.

• Don’t resent trials as intruders, but welcome them as friends.-J.B Phillips.
• Trials are to be our friends if our goal is to become more like Christ.-Selwyn Huge
• God chooses what we go through; we choose how we go through it.

March 27, 2012: Courage To Continue

Haggai 2: 4 But be strong and work for I am with you.

Haggai 2:5 And my Spirirt remains among you do not fear.

Haggai 2:8 The silver is mine and the gold is mine

Haggai 2:9 The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house. And in this place i will grant peace.

• As God’s people, our confidence comes from our relationship with Him. He is with us. We are His people
• We find courage to stand when we kneel before the Lord.

March 28, 2012: God’s Amazing Patience

• Although we stumble everyday, the Lord is always there. To lift us up, forgive our sin and show His love and care.
• Our sin is great, God’s grace is greater

March 29, 2012: Get Up and Start Over

Psalms 37: 23 If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his step firm.

Psalms 37: 24 Though He fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds Him.

Psalms 37:28 For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake His faithful ones. They will be protected forever.

Psalms 37:40 The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them because they take refuge in Him.

• There is something worse than falling down-it is staying down.
• Success means that you get up one more time than you fall down.
• We’re thankful Lord that when we fall we can begin anew. If humbly we confess our sin, then turn and follow you.

God wanted me to experience Him more through these. He wanted me to get out of my comfort zones for me to know He is just near; that in His presence i can always take refuge.

Thank you Lord for You have manifold ways to show that You’re real in my life. Indeed, these trials are your Mercies in Disguise.

NaNay Dian

Nanay Diane 28 March 2012 Room 303 Airport Road UAE 20:56

I have not grown tired to be in friendship with Nanay, that we even invited her (tho she was reluctant at first) to be one of our Principal Sponsors. She looked so gorgeous while she walked in the aisle with her floral dress.

I met her in a Christian healthcare conference in Cebu in Oct 2007. She welcomed me in the airport, gave me a native necklase and escorted me to Marco Polo Hotel Cebu. Since i went there on my own, she made me feel at ease by offering to share with her the room. Such a sissy!

She made me enjoy the conference by making sure ill be the “boss” of my own leisure and siesta time yet during plenary sessions she’s always around me, introducing and exposing me to alot of people that i could not even remember now.

After the conference, i thought we will part ways. Gladly, the Lord knew that i needed someone to mentor me and indeed, she perfectly matched  and accepted God’s job offer.

She became a minister in Philippine General Hospital  and since then, the journey of a mentor and a mentee began.

When im with her,  i always see things positively.With her, I’ve learned to live with my life verse “All things work together for good”.  It was during those times when i was really discouraged with a family issue, that she helped me deal and face the problem. It took spending with her for me to be shaped as optimistic.

She was  and is just a text, call and chat away when i needed someone to uplift and embrace me especially in gloomy days. She will always be right there almost 24/7, rain or shine, dry or flooded Taft Avenue, near or far, Philippines or Abu Dhabi, to assure me that everything  is  in God’s control.

In my achievement, she rejoices and celebrates with me. She always believes in my abilities and always pushes me to greatness. She reminds me that i can do extra ordinary things for I have Christ in me.

She even guided me in dealing with matters-of-the-heart and for this my Mac is so much grateful for he was her bet. Without Nanay’s counsel i should have not made it in the altar. Nanay always reminded me to keep holding on to my commitment, to our covenant. She was the one who introduced me to the word “betrothed” reminding me of Mary and Joseph’s relationship that tho they were not yet legally married then, in the sight of the Lord, when they were engaged, they were already one.

She bombarded me with alot of books that i learned more and have grown more in my faith.

She made sure im being used in the ministry and tags me along in most of the Christian activities.

She checks on my prayer life and quiet time and whenever she shares her faith, it always makes me whisper to God, “Dad, I want the same kind of faith, the same kind of testimony, and the same kind of life; worry free and stress free.”

She’s my Nanay Diane. Tho we’re not biologically related, I have grown to treat her like my second mom and always seek her counsel.  My hubby knows that she’s one of those i listen to and thus when faced with dilemma, he often asks me to seek Nanay’s opinion.

Like Paul’s message to the Philippians, I always thank my God every time i remember her, my Nanay Diane.  (Philippians 1:3)

Pera Pera San Ka Nga Ba Napunta? March 24, 2012

Pera Pera, San Ka Nga Ba Napunta?  Silid 303 Airport Road Auh. 23 Marso 2012 21:58

Buhay nga naman, may “twists and turns”. Kanina lang, natuwa ako kasi napangiti ko’t napasaya (kasama ng aking pang dalawang katrabaho) ang isa sa pinaka mahirap pasayahin na pasyente’t pamilya sa aming unit. Tunay nga na pag nilalapit sa Diyos, kahit na ang simpleng “home visits” at “day out” o “out -on-pass” ng mga pasyente ay nagiging extra ordinary na experiences para sa kanila. Salamat Ama!

“High” na sana ako. Ganun naman kasi ako, mababaw na tao. Madaling makuntento, madaling maka-appreciate, mapagpasalamat. Kaso, ngayong gabi ring to, matapos ang isang argumento, napaisip ako……

Pera Pera San Ka Nga Ba Napunta?

Simula nung akoy mangibang bayan,ngayon lang talaga nag “sink-in” sakin, san nga ba napupunta ang kinikita ko? Alam kong malayo ang laki nito kumpara sa kakarampot kong naiipon sa Pinas. Pero bakit parang pareho lang. Hanggang ngayon, parang wala paring natitira para sa sarili ko.

Ayan, ako tuloy si accountant, nagsimula ng mag-kalkula.

Kwenta! Kwenta! Kwenta!

Ayun! dun naman pala napupunta. Sa kanya, sa kanila. Sa mga proyektong para sa kanya at sa kanila.

Wala naman sanang masama, masaya naman akong magbigay kahit na wala pang matira para sakin. Isasantabi ko ang mga pangarap na iphone, blackberry o ipad man.Natutuwa na kasi ako, makita lang silang masaya, umaasenso o gumiginhawa..

Ang akin lang, di rin masamang maging mababaw sana sila; na kagaya ko, sa simpleng natatanggap sana, matuto silang makuntento’t matuwa. Yun lang sana.

 

…..haayyy unang post ko pa mandin ito sa taong ito….ninais kong magsulat ng mga bagay na magaganda. pero sadyang ganun talaga, hindi laging puro tungkol sa “saya”. dahil kahit sa mga “hikbi’t hinagpis, may mga aral ding mapapala.

Pill….Pills….Please….. November 5, 2011

Pill….Pills….Please….Nov 5, 2011 20:15 pm Room 303 Airport Road Abu Dhabi UAE

Finally, after nine years of enduring, I will for the very first time experience freedom. Imagine years of being on-and-off with this “buddy”. Because as much as I wanted to flee from it, i just could’nt . I had to sacrifice for my and our future.

enduring nine years with OCP (Oral Contra Ceptive) and its side effects

Yasmin and Diane Pills have been my buddies for 9 long years

I was in my 2nd year college when i was diagnosed to have PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

To be better undertand it: Here’s a help from Mr. Wikipedia.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is one of the most common female endocrine disorders. PCOS is a complex, heterogeneous disorder of uncertain aetiology, but there is strong evidence that it can to a large degree be classified as a genetic disease. PCOS produces symptoms in approximately 5% to 10% of women of reproductive age (12–45 years old) and is thought to be one of the leading causes of female subfertility.

The principal features are anovulation, resulting in irregular menstruation, amenorrhea, ovulation-related infertility, and polycystic ovaries; excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones, resulting in acne and hirsutism; and insulin resistance, often associated with obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol levels. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among affected women.

It was my debut when i first got concerned on why i was having irregular menses. My friends told me not to worry much about it and instead celebrate since i would be free from the discomforts that accompany menstrual cycle.

Yet, out of my curiosity i sought  answers from the experts. I had numerous OBGyne doctors from PGH and St. Luke Hospitals but Dr. Aileen Manalo is my fave. She is the most generous doctor Ive ever met for she gave me free consultation during my college years and PGH-days. She’s so helpful to UP students and PGH employees………..During my first session with her, she explained to me why i should take PCOS seriously.

alot of serious health conditions can result from untreated PCOS.

Consequently,series of blood and diagnostics exams were done to me and they all turned out positive of PCOS. I was the most obedient patient I’ve ever been. Though second year college was one of the bussiest years in my college, i managed to regularly go to my checkups, patiently took long cues in PGH for my different exams, endured every-six-months transrectal ultrasound (the twinge is still vivid at times) and yes bore nine long years with OCPs.

Among all these, the most unbearable moments are those waiting hours for my checkup. Its not because of the long hours of waiting but the emotional burden i had whenever i hear stories on how women of the same health issue try to cope up and are hopeful to have their own baby. I often see them shed tears as they recount their stories. This is the most painful consequence of PCOS. To put women at risk of infertility.

These same women are optimistic that compliance to medical treatment could finally be an answer to their petitions. Dressed-up for work on weekdays, they too persistenly wait for their turn not thinking of the many hours it will take them. They care a little if they will be late for work as long as they will see the doctor and hear good news from her. Exhaustion from work is never a hidrance too. Post work consultations are pretty normal schedule for Dr. Manalo and believe it or not, women are willing to stay upto 9 pm in the clinic just to see her. Call it girl power!

I wonder why alot of women especially those unprepared of pregnany (unwed or those that resulted from pre marital sex) opt to have the baby aborted without much hesitations. While alot long to have a baby of their own and would even die to have one.

Kellie Coffies captures the emotion in her song “I Would Die For That”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn’t keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I’ve been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We’re told not to give up.
He wonders if it’s him.
And I wonder if it’s me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won’t understand it
If it’s not meant to be.

Cause I
would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like

To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I’d give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it’s hard to conceive,
With all that I’ve got,
And all I’ve achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
“I love you, Mom.”

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die …
I would die for that.

I will lie if i say that  i dont worry for myself. Off course i did and i do. Yet i will not waver in my faith in God. For i know that He holds tommorrow and I know He holds my future. Thus with an expectant heart, i now take the second step to pregnancy. Ferous Sulfate and Metformin will then accompany me this November and the coming months.

And yes, as i wait for that very day that i will be called “Mom”, my Hope, Love and Faith in Him will be my chummies.=)

“Eve said: With the help of the Lord, I have brought forth a man.” Genesis 4:1

The Proposal October 15, 2011

The Proposal  Oct. 14, 2011 21:35 pm Room 303 Airport Road Abu Dhabi UAE.

Wedding proposal especially lines such as “Will you marry me” or “Will you be my wife” have been greatly anticipated by ladies of marrying age. I for one was not an exemption. I enjoyed watching stories about proposals. In particular, movie show such as The Ultimate Proposal never left my nerves keyed-up.

But since Mac and I had planned for our wedding way ahead, even before I flew for UAE, I never expected him to surprise me of his proposal. And with all honestly, I tried to forget about it. They say, the less you expect, the less you’ll get hurt. So I kept telling myself “there will be no proposal taking place, if it does, then great, but better not to expect”, as if this was my mantra.

September 13, 2011, Tuesday Mac’s 29th Birthday, it was scheduled as our prenuptial pictorial at Greenery Bulacan. We drove to the place late and it was raining hard that we almost lost our way. Good thing Mike (one of our videographers) recognized that we went kilometres ahead Bulacan and are on our way to Pampanga already. So we had to go back. We reached the place at past five in the afternoon. The rain just stopped yet the sky was so gloomy. We thought pictorial won’t be doable. But the Lord is gracious; He calmed the sky and thus made it possible.

Around past seven in the evening, we were almost done with the night pictorials. Yet to the very end, Mac and I wanted to have one picture of us taken in front the Grand Villa. I had to change dress so not to have a monotonous motif. To my surprise, he was not there to assist me. That night, I had to change by myself having only two open doors of the car to cover me. The office of the greenery was already closed that time so there was no way for me to use the dressing room. I needed Mac to cover me on the other side yet that very moment, he was not around. So I had to maneuver in the most ingenious way I could. I managed to put on my outfit despite small lit coming from the street posts and despite the too-narrow “fitting room”. It was a bit scary scenario as I was thinking that someone might suddenly appear and just grab me there. Gladly, no one did.

After I geared up, I had to go back to our previous prenup site since they were all there. I met Mac along the way. I asked him what took him so long, He said, he had to discuss the last set of shots with them. “What? I thought we will only have one in front the villa”, I said. “Yup”, he said “That’s it”. Then he signalled me to go ahead since he will change his get-up and so not to keep them waiting.

When I reached the photographers and videographers, I was surprised that they were still directing some shots on the gazebo. “Kuya meron pa? Di pa kayo pagod”, I pleaded. “Ma’am last nalang po, upo po kayo diyan na parang inanatay niyo po si Sir”, Mike said. “Naku baka mawala na sa kwento yung mga shinoot niyo a, ang dami dami na kaya”, I said yet I obeyed their instructions. So I sat and acted as if I was waiting for Mac. When he arrived, he was holding a bouquet, an over-used bouquet we kept on holding during the pictorial.

Just then He knelt on his knees and said, while trying to pull something out of his pocket, “Alam kong sobrang late na nito pero……” Just when I knew what he was doing I reacted right away and said, “Ay ang korni mo Hon”, but deep down, my heart was beating wildly. I could not help but pinch him on the cheeks because of the “corny-moments”. I was not used to him doing such.

Mac put the diamond ring on my finger and it fitted perfectly. Then we hugged each other.

Yes, he didn’t have the chance to say the lines as I reacted so excitedly. Haha He lost his momentum. Pity me, if only I shut my mouth I should have heard him say the most-awaited-lines. Tsk tsk.

But without a doubt, if asked if I’m willing to be his wife, I will definitely answer, “Surely, I will”.

On our way home, I kept thanking the Lord. Though I made bloopers on my own proposal, I’m very much grateful because He allowed me to even experience it from the very person I dearly love. He answered one of my heart’s desires.

Indeed the Lord knows our deepest longings, no matter how much we deny and hide them. This is only one proof that I don’t need to worry; If He could answer those wants that I secretly keep to myself how much more my obvious needs.

Thank You so much Lord, my Jehovah Jireh!

Matthew 6:25-34 New International Version (NIV) Do Not Worry

    ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own

So here’s the story board of The Proposal.

So there’s the story and the rest is history. c’,)

Much thanks to the accomplices: Paul Bonin Vargas (our photographer), Marvin Barbarona and Mike (our videographers):  you all did a great job my brothers!

Pain,Trust and Power August 31, 2011

Pain,Trust and Power August 30, 2011 23:54  Room 303 Airport Road Abu Dhabi UAE

I had (and somehow still feeling some trace of it) the worst pain today. In my nth year of existence, this is so far the most unbearable physical nuisance i had.

I know to myself that I am a strong person; that I have a stretchable tolerance on hurts and aches. I did several times, to divert to meaningful distractions and was successful in bouncing back whenever Im faced with sufferings, yet today I was on the brink of falling.

Today was my very first time to cry over physical pain. I wanted to be strong but the human me felt so helpless. I could not even eat, nor talk and smile. Tho my stomach was really making alot of attention, i opted to be insensitive of its plea for a better reason. Stomach pain is more tolerable than this pain, i assured myself. Poor stomach who had her last meal (milk and some oats and nuts) at 11 am today.

Odantalgia/Odantalgy (aching pain in or around a tooth)

The pain is so sharp and excruciating that it paralyzes my whole day.

I was supposed to be at church today for the praise and worship recording but how could I when even the smalllest opening I could to to my mouth, stretches my jaw consequently touching my swollen gum and whew! P A I N results; a SEVERE one.

I tried alot of remedies. Afterall i thought that I could nurse myself. Yet every four hours Panadol was futile and for this I miss Mefenamic Acid from the Philippines. I tried to cushion my gums with cotton and even massaged it countless times but vain labor. I thought sleeping would also work but this pain even gave me trouble in starting a nap.

I surrender. I cannot solve this mess; not even my dentist who thinks that this is normal; part and parcel of having a fixed bridge. How can he say that this is normal if it feels so unusual for me? If it caused me my entire day.

Pity me. A single OFW who has no roommate and who is away from friends. I had to endure the pain alone.

But out of the gloomy situation i remembered Someone I know Who could make a difference. Someone Who makes all things possible as long as He wills. “Nothing is too hard for You Lord”, I whispered. (Jeremiah 32:17)

In my desperate move I prayed,

“Lord, please once again prove to me that You’re real in my life. Take away this pain Oh Lord.”

Not that i dont trust in Him.In fact TRUST is the only weapon and reason I have that keeps me going despite the adversities that challenge me.

Yet this time, i wanted to dare the Lord. I believe that even in the book of Malachi, He Himself invites us to test Him. (Milachi 3:10)

Besides, I had no other treatment in mind, but to seek comfort on His Word. I searched for the word “pain” in the subject index of my devotional Bible but could not find one. Healing was not the best word to capture what i wanted.  I searched some more and found this instead.

GOD's POWER

God’s Power. It was the last antidote i had.

I quickly browsed on each devotional pages.

As always, the Word never disappointed me.

God is El Roi: The God Who sees and knows where i am and how i feel.

God is El Shaddai: The Lord God Almighty, the One Who can change my condition or Who could walk with me in this plight.

God is El Elyon: God Most High, Whose ways are higher than my ways.

God is Elohim: The Creator Who made me and even allowed things to happen to me for a purpose.

Absolutely, everything that happens to me good, bad or indifferent, God knows and cares about.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

After my short meditation and prayer, the pain became more tolerable that it even permitted me to write on my experience. Slowly, I was able to move my jaw, open my mouth, utter words and make some grins.

It was more than magic. Miracle indeed.

The Lord even gave me additional blessings. Knowing that i have caring friends who are concern on me, made the pain more and more endurable.

Special thanks to my FB friend, relatives, and churchmates who were intrigued and asked me whys, to my GBC friends Aleth and Lau for reaching out and praying for me, to Ate Melanie’s touching FB message, Oteph’s “full-of-effort” delivery of Nesvita and colorful straws and Mac’s sacrificial early morning prayer over skype and morning call just to check if im totally alright.

20 Dirham Nesvita

A Box of Colorful Bendable Straws

All of these made me more courageous to try some more sips of warm Nesvita using a straw. This is so far the best gift I could do for now, to my starving tummy and extremely dry throat.

A Cup of Warm Nesvita Slurped Using a Straw

Delicioso August 17, 2011

Delicioso August 17, 2011 16:17 Room 303 Airport Road Abu Dhabi UAE

“Marriage is helping your partner see the greatness and goodness of the Lord in your life.”

Since i had a serious interest on love, courtship and marriage tru the different activities of my numerous Christian orgs, i was made to believe that singleness (some of its time, not all of it) should be spent preparing myself to be the best partner to God’s perfect equal for me. Since then, i’ve been evaluating myself on how ready i am to enter into a life-time committment. This constant self-appraisal made me venture to deeper ground work.

One of those is Cooking.

Nurse’s life is pretty hectic. Imagine working 12-hour shift sans the time alloted for “before-work-preparation”? It involves physical, and yes mental, emotional, social and spiritual exhaustion. Name them, i have it. At times i’d rather buy instant meals just to save me from T and E. Time and Effort.

But recently, when i knew that the wedding bell is unmovable, I decided to be more serious in this endeavor. I long to be just like my Mom who does best in her cooking. I desire to satisfy my soon family’s food cravings. After all, they say, the fastest way to a man’s heart is tru his stomach. Not that i needed to do this to attract or impress my Mac but one of the many ways to keep him. (hihi)

Now, cooking is beginning to be my passion. All the more I’m stirred to cook, blog and have shots on food.

In connection to this, i made a new page on my blog. DELICIOSO.

Delicioso, my new blog page.

You read it correctly! The name itself defines what its all about.  It will feature my journey on cooking.

Why am I doing this?

This is but part of my training as soon to be Bride, or shoud i say Wifey. Barely 5 months to go. Yehey! c”,)